I know who I am

Look in the mirror,
Who do you see?
Through that broken smile,
Can you see the real me?
Once a little girl,
With a field of endless dreams,
Who now has become a women,
Torn and tearing at the seams.
Do you know anything about me,
More than just my name,
I know everything about you,
Because I know who I am.
~Anonymous

I believe that every person who walks I to my life is there for two reasons...They need my help or they are teaching me a lesson. Whatever it is, I am ready and waiting. So bring on life's game.

Crumbling

Have you ever had the feeling that the world was falling down around you? That no matter how hard you try to keep the peace and the balance, it's just not enough? Have you ever felt like you were swimming and swimming yet drowning at the same time? Like you are holding the world on your shoulders and waiting for one..more..thing...to come crumbling down on top of you?  Waiting and hoping it doesn't happen yet praying for strength in the event that it does. Tired. Exhausted. Broken.

I have so much to be thankful for in my life and I feel so blessed for everything and everyone who is a part of it. I have love, happiness, laughter, great friends and an awesome family. Anyone who knows me knows I would do anything for my loved ones...anything. I would make sure they were safe, protected, loved and important. I am fairly certain that they know that but if they don't, they should.

Lately, I have felt like I have been so busy and focused trying to help out certain people who need me that I have been neglecting other important relationships in my life. I've been putting their needs first and taking care of their "problems" and overlooking my own. That's what I do. When a family member needs me, I am there, whole hearted. Unfortunately, this time I feel like I can't help. The harder I try, the deeper I get and the more I realize, I am scared. I am scared of the unknown. I am scared at what I have discovered. I am scared of what the future holds and where the road is leading. I am scared to stop trying but I am also scared to keep going. I am frozen. I can feel the ground start crumbling underneath me...

My husband is my rock. He is there to save me from the dark hole and pull me back to reality. He is the one thing that I can count on to always be there, know no matter what. He will be there to rescue me. Hold me. Tell me he loves me and that it's all going to be ok. He is the man I cannot imagine my life without. Yet even with all his love and support, there is still that feeling of uncertainty from a not-so-far-away place...my "other" home.

"Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength."     
~ unknown

Prayers needed

Family, friends, bloggers, strangers, anyone else out there who is reading this, your prayers and love are need right now. There are two young girls, both students who attend the school I work at, who are very ill and they need all the support and prayers they can get! They are in critical condition at the Children's Hospital here in town with a serious case of E-coli. They are both in Kidney failure and on dialysis. One of them has a pre-existing medical condition and it is affecting her far more. She is on a ventilator, getting oxygen to help her lungs rest so that she can save energy to fight. She is having seizures and they are worried she may be suffering brain damage. I am asking you, please, please add these two to your prayer list. They are so young and they don't deserve this. We need them to heal and recover quickly...they are deeply missed.

Bailey and Vanessa, I believe in you! I want you two to know how many people there are praying for you, sending best wishes for a fast and full recovery, and tell you how much we miss you! I am so sorry that you're having to go through this but I know that both of you are fighters and you can beat this!! I read your journals everyday and could not imagine as a parent myself, what your parents are going through. I send my love to you and your families and I hope to see you back very soon!! Everyone at school cant wait to see you back too...it will be like a celebration!!  Hang in there girls...YOU CAN DO THIS!!

Thank you for keeping them in your prayers! Your support means so much to not only them, but to myself as well! THANK YOU!

Doctors update and recovery

On January 5th, 2012, I had a major surgery.  Everything went as planned, spent one night and two day in the hospital and have been recovering at home ever since.  It's been two weeks, I had my post-op appointment with my doctor/surgeon on Wednesday and I am happy to report that everything is going well! I am recovering great, doing everything that I should be, my incisions are healing and I can go back to work earlier than expected!! Originally I was told I could be out for up to 8 weeks, and I am so thankful that I will be back at 6 weeks...such a relief! So the calendar is marked...Monday, February 20th...it will be like a celebration!

During my recovery, my doctor has put me on a couple restrictions: weight restriction of lifting no more than a pound and no driving for 4 weeks.  I will say that the weight restriction is the hardest part of my recovery.  With three kids at home and being the busy mom that I am, I have had to rely on others to do the simplest things; for example, I can't even pour myself a glass of milk.  My biggest struggle, however, is nursing my baby. Almond Joy will be 4 months old on the 23rd and she is still nursing. I am so thankful that my doctor said I could continue to do that but when it's feeding time, someone has to place Almond Joy on my lap and then take her as soon as she's done. One would think that giving her a bottle would be so much more convenient, but Almond Joy HATES her bottles.  She is my only baby that LOVES to nurse and I love having that bonding time with her! I will miss it once its over...

2 weeks down...4 weeks to go!  I CAN do this!!

Something to think about...

Some of you may be asking why I chose to title my blog "My life with Lemons." I have always tried the New Years resolution thing and to be quite frank, I've always failed. So this year I chose something different...to always look on the bright side, and see the positives in life. Simple as that. Everyday we are faced with choices. You can choose to wake up and go to work or you can choose to stay in bed, call in sick. You can choose to be happy or choose to mope around and feel sorry for yourself. I made the choice that from this day forward, I will take life's lemons and make sweet lemonade. Doesn't matter what the lemon is, how big or small. Today is the day...my lemons stop here!

When life gives you lemons, will you make lemonade too?

Lemonade

Sometimes we take the little things in life for granted. My life has given me lemons...lots and lots of lemons and I intend on taking those lemons and making some kick ass lemonade!! Ready, set, go!!!