The "C" word

I am about to drop a bomb on you...the "C" word.  No, not that "C' word, the other one. Yeah, that one. The word itself is scary. It causes people to freak out, think the worst, but almost always is causes denial. Denial of "it's not true," or "it won't happen to me."  Well, its true and it happened to me. Until now, I have kept it under wraps, sharing it only with my immediate family and closest friends. It has been life changing and scary as hell, but I am a fighter and a survivor. I want to share with you because I want to raise awareness and because I am no longer scared. I am thankful, I feel blessed and I know that without the love and support I have in my life, I would not be where I am today. Here is my story.

February 2011 I went to see my OB/GYN because I had taken a pregnancy test and it was positive (this is good news!!) It was my first pregnancy appointment and I was 7 weeks along. At that appointment they did the usual tests including pap-smear. My OB said everything looked great, no concerns and so I was on my way. A couple days later, I was notified that my pap results came back "abnormal." This made me worried a bit, so I contacted the doctors office and the nurse told me not to stress and made an appointment with the doctor. I saw a different doctor this time, who went over my results with me, and did another exam. The results of that exam came back negative but they told me I would be tested one more time after my pregnancy, just to be sure. I was so relieved and went about life as normal, or as normal as one being pregnant can be. :)

Fast forward to September 23, 2011, the day Almond Joy was born. I had a fairly easy delivery, no complications, and both she and I were healthy (and happy!) We went home 2 days later, and got settled in, now as a family of five. After going home, my OB's office called to make my follow-up appointment. With all the excitement of having a new baby, I honestly forgot all about the tests until they called. So I made my appointment for 6 weeks later.

I went to the doctor on November 10, 2011 for my 6 week post pardum check-up. I have had two babies before, so after the third, I thought "this will be a piece of cake." The appointment was going as planned, no concerns, until the routine "check" (ladies, you know what I'm talking about.) The look on my OB's face was concerning, and then came the words "I see some spots so I'd like to make an appointment to have them biopsied...like tomorrow." Um, ok. So I made the appointment, came back the next day and had the procedure done. The doctor who did the procedure was the same doctor I had seen before during my pregnancy. After the visit was over, he said that we would just need a phone appointment to go over the results and so we set up a time a week later to chat. That phone appointment never happened. I got a call a few days after my office visit from the nurse asking me to come in to the clinic instead of the phone call. After I hung up the phone, my husband looked at me and knew something was wrong. I immediately thought the worst. I mean, would the doctor really want to see me if there was nothing wrong?

November 18, 2011, my husband and I went to the doctor. We both sat there in the room waiting for him to enter, not saying anything, but thinking the same thing. Moments later, he came in and sat down. The first words out of his mouth were "obviously it's never good news when we call you in." (Thank you captain obvious.) Then he looked at me, we made eye contact and he said, "T- you have cancer." There is was. There was the "C" word. Not just the "C' word, but it was attached to my name. My heart sank and within seconds, the tears began to flow. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think this would happen to me. I looked at my husband and he sat there with a blank stare. He was scared. I was scared. Then the doctor continued. "It is very small, we caught it early. I will be referring you to a team of doctors who will take over from here. This is their specialty, this type of cancer is all they do. I wish you all the best, they will be contacting you very soon to set up a consultation."

A couple days later I got a call from the oncologists office. Not knowing what to expect, I took my husband and my mom with me to the consultation meeting. The first meeting was very informative. I met one of my two doctors, we discussed treatment plans, possible complications and where we go next. I was expecting this whole process to be long, complicated and difficult but it was anything but. After deciding on having the surgery and not going through chemo and radiation, my doctors moved quickly, setting appointments fast, getting me in and scheduled for surgery in just over one month. I had my pre-op appointment with the second of my doctors/surgeons on December 22nd and set my surgery date for January 5th, 2012.  Everything happened SO fast...but I give so much credit to my doctors for catching it so early.

It has been almost one month since surgery and I am happy to say that I am starting to feel like my old self. My recovery has definitely had its ups and downs but each day I feel better. I am so thankful and I feel so blessed that my doctors caught my cancer early. I look at my baby girl and cannot help but to think of her as my angel...in more than one way. She saved my life. Had I not gone to the doctor last February, I don't know where I would be today. I could have gone a year or more before going in and getting checked and I can only imagine what I would be dealing with. I wouldn't be talking about Stage 1, I could be talking about life or death. I consider myself very lucky...I have three beautiful healthy children, I have a loving husband who stood by side and an amazing family and support group who held my hand every step of the way. The cancer may not be in my body, but it will always be a part of me.

I may have cancer, but cancer doesn't have me. I am a survivor.

Addicted

It's official, I am addicted.....to Pinterest! There are so many things to look at, to read, to dream about...the possibilities are endless! I have spent countless hours pinning recipes, words, style, crafts, photos and many other ideas to my boards. Someday, I will actually start DOING instead of just pinning.

One thing Pinterest does for me, is it gives me an outlet. An outlet to dream, believe, inspire and motivate me. I've always been attracted to words...words that say what my heart or mind is feeling. So many of my pins do just that. There are words of love, hope, inspiration, friendship and so much more that express who I am as a person. I believe everyone interprets words differently and those who find words meaningless are disconnected from themselves. With an open mind and an open heart, I believe words can teach us so much about ourselves and define the person we are or inspire to be.

Something else Pinterest has done for me is give me ideas and opportunities to spend more time with my kids. There are endless craft ideas and fun gift ideas for any occasion....from keepsakes to holidays. Kids grow up so fast and it's important to me to spend as much time with them as I can. I want to live in the now and capture the moments before its too late. My favorite crafts are the ones that you can look back on in 20 years and remember how small they were, how creative they were, and how happy they made me feel at that moment in time! I love the handprint and footprint art! Childrens minds are so creative and it makes me so happy to spend these times with my kids!

Pinterest...what a wonderful concept! Its one addiction I'm not afraid of!

Photo by: http://artmadewithheart.blogspot.com/,

Friendship

What is a friend? As defined in the dictionary, a friend is a person whom one knows, likes, and trusts; more than an acquaintance. When I think about the people in my life, I feel very blessed to have more friends than I can count on both hands. My friends mean the world to me, and most are like family. However, no matter how many friends a person has, as we go through life, we gain some and lose some. We move, they move, some get married, others travel and somehow, we just grow apart. As children, we are blind to discrimination, yet as adults, we surround ourselves with it. Friendship has no discrimination. You either are or you aren't.

In my life, I have had friends come and go, some whom I thought we'd remain friends forever. For whatever the reason we grew apart, I believe everything happens for a reason. I don't dwell on the past, as there is nothing I can do to change it. I also believe that you cannot change someone, nor should you want to, because that is who they are. However, when someone changes themselves, it can be a test on their relationships. I accept my friends for who they are and would hope that they accept me for me.

But what happens when a friend changes and leaves you behind? What would you do if they told you that they value another friendship more? How would you feel if they up and left? Would you feel cheated on? Would you feel abandoned? What if in 10 years that same friend came back and pretended everything was fine? Would you be able to pick up where you left off, or would the relationship feel so bruised that it could not be mended? What if that same friend was one of your best friends? Would that make a difference? I ponder these questions heavily as I feel I may be in this current situation. However, at the same time, I see these dilemmas as lemons...speed bumps in my road of happiness. I won't let them slow me down. I refuse to let these silly childish acts waste my time. I am better than this...I deserve better than this.

So friends, I toast to you! I toast to the ones who love me for me, who support me, who laugh with me, who cry with me, and would never want to change me. I toast to you for who you are, who you're aren't, and to the friendship that we have. I believe there are people who come into our lives as friends and leave as strangers. THIS makes us who we are, and friends, I am thankful for you!

One of my favorite quotes:

"A true friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find and lucky to have"

Doctors update and recovery

On January 5th, 2012, I had a major surgery.  Everything went as planned, spent one night and two day in the hospital and have been recovering at home ever since.  It's been two weeks, I had my post-op appointment with my doctor/surgeon on Wednesday and I am happy to report that everything is going well! I am recovering great, doing everything that I should be, my incisions are healing and I can go back to work earlier than expected!! Originally I was told I could be out for up to 8 weeks, and I am so thankful that I will be back at 6 weeks...such a relief! So the calendar is marked...Monday, February 20th...it will be like a celebration!

During my recovery, my doctor has put me on a couple restrictions: weight restriction of lifting no more than a pound and no driving for 4 weeks.  I will say that the weight restriction is the hardest part of my recovery.  With three kids at home and being the busy mom that I am, I have had to rely on others to do the simplest things; for example, I can't even pour myself a glass of milk.  My biggest struggle, however, is nursing my baby. Almond Joy will be 4 months old on the 23rd and she is still nursing. I am so thankful that my doctor said I could continue to do that but when it's feeding time, someone has to place Almond Joy on my lap and then take her as soon as she's done. One would think that giving her a bottle would be so much more convenient, but Almond Joy HATES her bottles.  She is my only baby that LOVES to nurse and I love having that bonding time with her! I will miss it once its over...

2 weeks down...4 weeks to go!  I CAN do this!!

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow...

I'm not going to lie, when they called for snow in the local forecast, I doubted them BIG TIME.  I mean, every year it happens...."folks, the snow level will drop down to the valley floor...blah, blah, blah..."  It actually snows, oh, maybe 30% of the time. No joke.  So when I saw it in the forcast for this weekend, I didn't freak out and go stock up on supplies, or rush off to get snow tires.  I chuckled and moved on.  Well, I am happy to say that they were RIGHT! Eventhough we didn't get much in accumulation, more of a dusting if you will, it was enough to make my 3 year old one happy camper! I was awaken this morning to, "Mommy, mommy, it's snowing!!! There's snow outside!!"  I rolled over, looked at my husband and said, "really!?!" and then got up, walked to the living room and saw the smile on my sons face stretching from ear to ear with excititement as he is standing on the couch pointing out the window frantically.  It was a moment that melted my heart! 

After our early snow, the sun came out and it was melted before 10 am. It snowed off and on all day but it was just too wet and warm to stick. They are calling for snow again tonight as the lows head into the high 20's. I am hoping for the sake of my sweet little boy, who didn't have a chance to make a snowman, that it snows again tonight and lasts for much longer! We will be doing our "snow dance" before bed tonight!!

~let it snow, let it snow, let it SNOW!~

Football baby!

I'll be the first to admit, I love me some football!  All levels of football.

Kit Kat played his first year of football this year, and eventhough he was the smallest kid on the team, he loved it! Where we live, 3/4th grade is the first year you can play contact football. Our school district has one of the top programs in the State, winning the state Championship in 2010. They start training their players young, and demand perfection. If you go out for football in our town, you better believe that you will live, breathe, and sleep nothing but football year round. GO BOWMAN!

I am a die hard fan of the University of Oregon Ducks. I grew up in a family full of duck football fans so naturally, they became my favorite college team. I LOVE MY DUCKS! I have loved them and followed them through both the good and bad...once a Duck, always a Duck! I've seen the heartbreak of repeated times going to the Rose Bowl and coming home empty handed. I've seen them go from the bottom of the pack to being the Pac 10 (now Pac 12) Champs! I remember the days of Mike Bellotti and the transition to Chip Kelly. Yes, I was rooting for them when they went to the BCS Championship game vs. Auburn and watched as heartbreak set in yet again, losing the game by a field goal. You can bet that I was watching...and shouting, yelling, jumping up and down cheering...for them as they FINALLY won the Rose Bowl this year! It never felt so good as the clock ran out...it was a GREAT day to be a duck fan for sure! I'm pumped and ready for next year already!

I never followed much NFL before I met my husband. Being from San Francisco, his love for the 49ers became my love for the 49ers. Today, I watch NFL every weekend and you can usually find me on my couch, wearing my niners gear whether they are playing or not. Heck, my kids even have had professional pictures taken in their 49ers gear to show their love for the team!  Yes, we are a big time football family.  Today, in fact, our glorious Niners just beat the New Orleans Saints in a playoff match to move to the NFC Championship game...first time they have made it to the playoffs in 9 years. GO NINERS!!

I never thought I would become such a fan but it's addicting! I love me some football!

Who's your team?

Rewind

lets rewind to before blogging started...

I am 26 yrs old, I live in the greatest place on earth, I have an awesome family and the bestest friends anyone could ever ask for! I am wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a cousin, an auntie, and most importantly, I am a mom. I have three beautiful children ages 8yrs, 3yrs and 4 months old.  They are my whole world and I could not imagine my life without them. I have been married to my best friend for 3.5 years and I can't wait to spend many more years together, growing old. I am so thankful for everything I have but the road along the way was a bumpy one for sure. God definitely blessed the broken road that led me to where I am today. Enjoy ~

I am the oldest of 4 kids - 2 girls and 2 boys. There is 11 years between me and my youngest brother. I was born and raised in Oregon and while I no longer live in the town I grew up in, I'm not too far away.  Growing up I played t-ball and then softball until I reached high school where I joined the dance team.  I lived and breathed dance...and I was good at it. I did good in school; I liked school. Life was pretty normal, I was your typical teenage girl, I had lots of friends and I enjoyed life. Little did I know at that time, but life had something else in store for me. In 2003 at the young age of 17, my life changed and I had to grow up fast. During my senior year of high school on 2/23, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy (we'll call him "Kit Kat"). While the circumstances remain untold, I chose to keep the baby. There is so much that I missed out on, but looking back, I wouldn't trade my son for anything in the world.

After high school, I moved out and went to community college and earned my AAS degree while working full time and being a single mom. It wasn't easy, but I am proud to say that I did it and I did mostly by myself. While going to college, I worked many different jobs - retail, food service, hospitality and then back to retail. I wanted to use my degree and find something that I loved. I landed a job as a Bridal Consultant at a local bridal shop and fell in love with the industry. I thought for sure that I'd found my career there but at the time, I didn't know how wrong I'd be. I went to school to become a Wedding Planner, and that's all I ever wanted to do. But what I wanted and what I was doing, were two totally different things. It eventually became so bad that I bailed. I seriously had no other choice.  Strangely enough, my next job was back doing something I've done before...food service.

Going back into food service was one of the best decisions I made. I started working at a local steakhouse, first as a hostess and then slowly moved my way up.  That is where I met my now husband :). We hit it off right away, became friends, hung out and soon we started dating. Well, we never stopped dating and as you know, the rest is history! Ok, before I bore you to death, lets speed up  a couple years to just before my second son was born.

September 2007 was another life changing moment for me. I got a job working for a near by school district as an office secretary.  Never in a million years did I see myself working in a school office, but there were so many benefits, that as a mom, I couldn't pass up the opportunity.  After a year at my job, my now hubby and I decided that we were finally at a point in our lives that we were ready for another baby. On July 23, 2008, on one of the hottest days that summer, we welcomed baby boy #2 into the world. For the sake of blogging, I am going to call him "M&M's".  M&M's was the glue that held the four of us together.  We were now a family. Everything was falling into place even though there were those who questioned us. House, baby, then marriage...whats the big deal?

My wedding day is a day I will never forget.  Actually, my wedding DAYS. Yes, days. I am so lucky that I got to marry my best friend twice!  On August 8, 2008, a date very special to my husband for other reasons, we were married in his dads backyard with just our immediate family members close by. It was intimate, meaningful and cheap. It was perfect for us...at least for now. One year later, on August 1, 2009, I got the wedding of my dreams and got to marry my best friend all over again, this time in front of 150 friends and family members. Well, it's been just over three years since we were first married and our family has grown by one more.

With two big brothers at home, we welcomed our first girl, our precious princess into the world on September 23, 2011.  Now if you have been paying attention, you'll notice that all of my children have the same birth date...the 23rd.  No this was not purposely planned, but yes I think it's pretty cool! ;)    During my pregnancy when we found out we were having a girl, lets call her "Almond Joy," my husband and I decided that our family was complete.  Three was a good number...our perfect family of 5!

However, soon after Almond Joy was born, my health took a turn for the worst. It was discovered by my doctors that I would never be able to carry another baby. They were absolutely sure, tested and proved, and at that point, we no longer had the choice...it was a reality. That was the darkest day of my life, the day that changed me forever. That was the day the lemons got to me...and it was the day I vowed to never let it happen again.

So here we are, living in the present. Everyday gets better than the day before and it feels so good!  I still have my good days and bad days but sometimes you just gotta roll with the punches. When lemons come my direction, this time I'll be ready.  I'll be waiting with a spoon full of sugar and be sipping on sweet lemonade.  Cheers!