The "C" word

I am about to drop a bomb on you...the "C" word.  No, not that "C' word, the other one. Yeah, that one. The word itself is scary. It causes people to freak out, think the worst, but almost always is causes denial. Denial of "it's not true," or "it won't happen to me."  Well, its true and it happened to me. Until now, I have kept it under wraps, sharing it only with my immediate family and closest friends. It has been life changing and scary as hell, but I am a fighter and a survivor. I want to share with you because I want to raise awareness and because I am no longer scared. I am thankful, I feel blessed and I know that without the love and support I have in my life, I would not be where I am today. Here is my story.

February 2011 I went to see my OB/GYN because I had taken a pregnancy test and it was positive (this is good news!!) It was my first pregnancy appointment and I was 7 weeks along. At that appointment they did the usual tests including pap-smear. My OB said everything looked great, no concerns and so I was on my way. A couple days later, I was notified that my pap results came back "abnormal." This made me worried a bit, so I contacted the doctors office and the nurse told me not to stress and made an appointment with the doctor. I saw a different doctor this time, who went over my results with me, and did another exam. The results of that exam came back negative but they told me I would be tested one more time after my pregnancy, just to be sure. I was so relieved and went about life as normal, or as normal as one being pregnant can be. :)

Fast forward to September 23, 2011, the day Almond Joy was born. I had a fairly easy delivery, no complications, and both she and I were healthy (and happy!) We went home 2 days later, and got settled in, now as a family of five. After going home, my OB's office called to make my follow-up appointment. With all the excitement of having a new baby, I honestly forgot all about the tests until they called. So I made my appointment for 6 weeks later.

I went to the doctor on November 10, 2011 for my 6 week post pardum check-up. I have had two babies before, so after the third, I thought "this will be a piece of cake." The appointment was going as planned, no concerns, until the routine "check" (ladies, you know what I'm talking about.) The look on my OB's face was concerning, and then came the words "I see some spots so I'd like to make an appointment to have them biopsied...like tomorrow." Um, ok. So I made the appointment, came back the next day and had the procedure done. The doctor who did the procedure was the same doctor I had seen before during my pregnancy. After the visit was over, he said that we would just need a phone appointment to go over the results and so we set up a time a week later to chat. That phone appointment never happened. I got a call a few days after my office visit from the nurse asking me to come in to the clinic instead of the phone call. After I hung up the phone, my husband looked at me and knew something was wrong. I immediately thought the worst. I mean, would the doctor really want to see me if there was nothing wrong?

November 18, 2011, my husband and I went to the doctor. We both sat there in the room waiting for him to enter, not saying anything, but thinking the same thing. Moments later, he came in and sat down. The first words out of his mouth were "obviously it's never good news when we call you in." (Thank you captain obvious.) Then he looked at me, we made eye contact and he said, "T- you have cancer." There is was. There was the "C" word. Not just the "C' word, but it was attached to my name. My heart sank and within seconds, the tears began to flow. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think this would happen to me. I looked at my husband and he sat there with a blank stare. He was scared. I was scared. Then the doctor continued. "It is very small, we caught it early. I will be referring you to a team of doctors who will take over from here. This is their specialty, this type of cancer is all they do. I wish you all the best, they will be contacting you very soon to set up a consultation."

A couple days later I got a call from the oncologists office. Not knowing what to expect, I took my husband and my mom with me to the consultation meeting. The first meeting was very informative. I met one of my two doctors, we discussed treatment plans, possible complications and where we go next. I was expecting this whole process to be long, complicated and difficult but it was anything but. After deciding on having the surgery and not going through chemo and radiation, my doctors moved quickly, setting appointments fast, getting me in and scheduled for surgery in just over one month. I had my pre-op appointment with the second of my doctors/surgeons on December 22nd and set my surgery date for January 5th, 2012.  Everything happened SO fast...but I give so much credit to my doctors for catching it so early.

It has been almost one month since surgery and I am happy to say that I am starting to feel like my old self. My recovery has definitely had its ups and downs but each day I feel better. I am so thankful and I feel so blessed that my doctors caught my cancer early. I look at my baby girl and cannot help but to think of her as my angel...in more than one way. She saved my life. Had I not gone to the doctor last February, I don't know where I would be today. I could have gone a year or more before going in and getting checked and I can only imagine what I would be dealing with. I wouldn't be talking about Stage 1, I could be talking about life or death. I consider myself very lucky...I have three beautiful healthy children, I have a loving husband who stood by side and an amazing family and support group who held my hand every step of the way. The cancer may not be in my body, but it will always be a part of me.

I may have cancer, but cancer doesn't have me. I am a survivor.